What He Didnt Know
by sugarandashley
Summary: Clary has a phobia of water after a traumatising expierence when she was six. she suffers from severe panic attacks and faints when she is splashed or in the water. but when her boyfriend Jace, unknowingly chucks her off a jetty, she is left drowning. will Jace realize what he's done and save her? can Jace and Clary deal with the consequences that come afterwards?...
1. Chapter 1

**This is my new story **_**what he didn't know, **_**I hope you enjoy it and don't forget to review!:D thanks!**

You know how they say that whatever happens to you when your little sticks with you your entire life? That's happened to everyone I know. My best friend Isabelle is afraid of lama's because when she was six, one spat in her mouth. She shudders and dry wrenches every time she talks about it. My boyfriend Jace of eight months witnessed a bird explode when he was four, he can tell everyone everything about that day and now if he hears an explosion and sees blood at the same time, he freezes. Those events that happened in their lives left them scarred.

But what happened to me was way worse than anything you could ever imagine. Those things that happened to Izzy and Jace together cannot compare to what I experienced. I've only ever told Isabelle what happened to me and my family. Isabelle is sworn to secrecy about those memories and so far after 10 years. She doesn't even bring up the topic because she knows how fragile I still am, after a decade.

You all want to know what happened right? Ill tell you, but remember ive only told Isabelle and nobody else knows. Not even Jace.

**Flashback…**

_I was six years old, we were on a family vacation. Just me, my mum Jocelyn and my dad Luke. We were on some sort of road trip type vacation where we found different motels and places to stop and rest. Right now we were passing through Michigan, the gas light started to flash and my dad quickly found a gas station and filled up. Mum had to use the bathroom and went into the store with dad while he paid. I snuggled up into the corner of the door against my seat and was on the verge of sleep when I heard shouts and screams. _

_I sat tall and saw my mum and dad standing in front of the car. A man in front of them, looking dark and mysterious. He had white short hair and was pointing something at them and shouting for their money. Dad tossed it onto the car hood while the man asked for the keys to the car. Mum looked at me and mouthed for me to stay low and quiet. I nodded and hid against the leather seats. I heard the door open and close and then screeching of tyres. I looked over the seat and saw white hair. The man was now driving the car, taking me away somewhere._

_I looked out the windshield and saw mum and dad running after the car. Shouting for the man to stop but he didn't listen to them, just laughed loudly as he sped towards a bridge. I saw the shimmering of water and realized we were on a bridge. I saw a car ferry and thought the driver would stop to pay and get on but the boat started to chug away onto the river. The man cursed some bad words and sped up a little hill. I thought for a second he would make it onto the boat but then gravity took over and I felt my insides lurch up as the car missed the boat. I heard splashing and then loud cursing. _

_I looked out the window and saw brown water. That was it. Nothing but murky, muddy water. I heard the click of the door as the idiotic white haired man opened the door and swam out. Leaving me with the water. Gushing into the car. _

_It poured into where I was sitting and quickly covered me up to my hips. I started to cry as I realized I was now in a river, about to drown. I shot my hands down and struggled to find my seatbelt. I couldn't feel it anywhere. Then a hand thudded on the window as I was now fully underwater. My hair waved across my face like the mermaid Ariel and I looked out the window, my cheeks bloated with air._

_I saw dad's face. It was red and bubbles shot up to the surface from his nose. He started to pull on the door handle and then it was open. I felt the strong current of the water as more gushed into the car. Daddy's hands felt around my hands and then squeezed it tightly. I looked at him as he pulled me out of the car into more of the muddy water. He held me close to his body as we both escaped into the open water. I felt dad jerk back and looked to see the door had closed onto his shirt. He reached down and tugged desperately on the door handle once again. But it wouldn't budge. His face was becoming more and more red, the vein in his neck sticking out. _

_His eyes were fluttering and then he pushed me upwards with as much strength as he could muster up. I floated up to the surface and looked back to see daddy, he was motionless, no longer struggling for air or to get his shirt free of the door. His arms were in front of him, swaying with the current. His face was pale and lips were blue. I didn't know what had happened to him but he disappeared as the muddy water caved in around my vision. I felt soft hands clutch around me and pull me up. My lungs burning and aching until I felt cold air on my face. I started to cough and splutter up brown water. I looked back to the water and tried scrambling to it and reaching out my hand, " Daddy!" I screamed. _

_The hands pulled me back and I looked up to see mum. She was crying and put her hand on my head and pushed it into her shoulder. Crying harder, she rocked me back and forth, stroking my hair and trying to calm me as I cried with her. _

_I learned that dad had saved me but died trying. He was gone and he wasn't coming back. All because of that man that tried to make it over the hill into the boat. My mum thought that because of the incident that I needed to know how to swim. So she took me to swimming lessons. On the first day, I was wearing my togs and swimming cap as she led me around a corner. I saw the shimmering of the water and I hesitated before mum coaxed me to a lady. She was my coach. She was soaking wet, her lips blue and her skin pale and shrivelled. Images of my dad flashed into my head and I started to cry. _

_Mum comforted me and told me it was okay. The wrinkly lady did too and told me there was nothing to worry about. But it was water and it had killed my dad and almost me. The lady lowered herself into the shimmering water slowly and spread her arms out around her. Mum sat me down on the edge and flicked the water at me, " See its fine"_

_I scrambled away, losing my shoe in the pool as it slid off, in my panic to escape from the wavy monster. It was mocking me, the waves lapping at the edges and looking all pretty. Inviting me in, but I knew it was only a disguise, it was deadly and ready to kill me. Or anybody else who didn't see its disguise. I watched in horror as the lady vanished under the surface and I felt my heart race in my chest but then return to normal as she resurfaced, holding my shoe. She held it out to me and I hurridly put it on my foot. _

_She smiled and held out her hands, coming close to me at the edge. I took them catiously and then she pulled me into the swirling mass of clear water. I felt it devour my legs and my waist, I screamed and began to kick and thrash wildly in the poor lady's arms. The water managed to splash my face and sting my eyes and it went up my nose. I coughed and choked and then I felt my chest tighten. I felt dizzy and my eyes rolled in my head. Mum jerked me out of the water onto the concrete as the lady who tried to kill me rushed away and came back with a bottle of water. _

_She poured the ice cold liquid down my throat and sat me up, allowing me to swallow it. After five minutes of dizziness and not being able to breathe easy, I returned to normal. I later discovered I was to have severe panic attacks when approached by large amounts of water. I also learned that I could never have baths without having them, only small showers. I could never go swimming in pools or in the ocean with friends that went surfing. I couldn't go on a boat without throwing up and having even bigger panic attacks. I could not ever go near water because of the severe panic attacks I had. _

**Flashback ended**

That is what happened. My secret to everyone. Im kind of an introvert, I don't go to pool parties or beach parties with anyone so im no longer invited. People don't want me there. But that's how I met Jace.

He is one of three brothers to Isabelle. When Isabelle told her about her new friend she had befriended out of pity, Jace got a bit curious about me. He came to my house with Izzy one day and when I saw him I instantly fell for him. Tell me im stupid, but he was incredibly gorgeous. He was like an angel. He had tanned skin and curly blonde hair with shining golden eyes flecked with white. I lost myself in them all the time

The first thing he said to me was I looked like a little leprechaun in a sarcastic tone, so I knew he was kidding. After he left I felt deserted. Like the light from my head had been replaced by something else.

But a couple of days later he came back. Without Isabelle. His eyes were dark like he hadn't been sleeping well. He came into my house and sat down on the couch and told me he couldn't get me out of his head. I was distracting him from everything and he found himself dreaming about me and him together. He asked me out and I said yes. He sighed a sigh of relief when I answered that question, and then kissed me. We've been together since and I know everything about him. I keep my scarred memory to myself and Isabelle. I don't think I could ever tell him. It would be embarrassing.

He was a great boyfriend, all though he got a lot of crap from other girls for dating me he told them to get lost and go buy a cat. It made me laugh. Out of all the girls he had chasing his tail every single day and the amount of girls that flirted with him, he had still chosen me. Some flat chested, skinny, short, pale red headed girl with green eyes. I don't know why he even cared about me, but he did and that's all that matters. Right?

There was a knock on the door then, I answered It and Isabelle and Jace were standing there. Jace had a smile plastered on that handsome face of his, he took a step forward and hugged me tightly, lifting me off the ground in the process, and then kissing me. Beside us, Izzy made a gagging sound and spoke, "You know clary, I love seeing you so happy but I don't love seeing you two suck face when your together"

Jace smiled against my lips and pulled back, " Then don't watch, your just jealous"

Isabelle chuckled, " Am not, I got Simon to suck face with. Too bad he's in another country right now. I just replaced him with his pillow"

I laughed and Jace just smiled and shook his head, " She's a nutcase", he whispered to me. I nodded in agreement.

Then Isabelle piped up, " There was a reason to us coming here you know"

I turned to her, " Like what?"

" Well…. We were all going jetty jumping this weekend and we really want you to come, please? Jace will be there in his boardies and you can stare at him alll day long"

**that's my new story!:D hope you enjoyed it, I liked writing it.**

**What do you think Clary is going to do? Just remember that she was run off a bridge into water so what do you think her reaction will be?**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thanks for the reviews!:D please keep them coming!…. Enjoy!**_

I froze. Jetty jumping? As in jumping off a bridge into salty water full of things

that just lurk beneath the surface to eat you? No way. But then all these memories came flooding into my mind. Of dad's face and the feeling of being trapped in a car flooding with murky water and no escape. The feeling of the first panic attack everything came back to me. I didn't care if Jace would be there or not. Naked or clothed. It was too much like the accident. Jumping off a bridge into water and being pushed back up to the surface by the current.

I felt like I was being shaken and I shook my head, snapping back to the present. Jace was the one shaking me. By the shoulders and saying my name. he looked at me, "Are you alright?"

I nodded weakly, my eyes fluttering slightly, "I'm fine"

He still looked at me and I could tell he wasn't buying it, " Do you need anything?"

" No, im fine", he pushed me back onto the couch and curled me up in his arms as I death glared Isabelle.

She turned to me and flinched when she saw my face, " Come on Clary. You never go anywhere and you don't have to do it. Im not because of girly reasons, ill sit with you on the jetty and we can eat hot chips together while the guys do it"

" But Isabelle…." I started to say but she cut me off,

" I know clary but its been ten years. You don't need to live your life this way, think about it this way, your life is a book and if you don't try new things, your only going to read one page out of like 1000 more. Please Clary for me? Or Jace?"

I looked behind me at Jace and he smiled and nodded. I sighed, " Fine but im only sitting"

Isabelle started to cheer, " YAYY! At least your coming and that's all that matters"

When it was time for them both to go home, Jace insisted he stay the night with me after my little paralysed moment before. He didn't want to leave me alone by myself.

" But im not by myself. Mum's here" I told him.

" Your mother never comes out of her studio Clary. You are by yourself" he told me. It was true, mum never came out of her art studio, nobody knew what was in there, she even kept a camera at the door to see if people went in. I knew what was in there, she was still mourning the loss of her husband who she had only been married to since I was born. My father left when mum told him she was pregnant with me.

In that room, she had all of his things, she kept his clothes in a box in the corner. She painted him all the time doing different things. Smiling or frowning. Eating or drinking. She drew him and painted him every day. But she was coming out of that room less and less now that I was getting older. Sometimes she would stay in there for days at a time and I would have to leave her breakfast at the door.

Jace and I walked to my room and we jumped in the covers. He took off his shirt and pushed me close to his chest so I could feel the heat burning from his skin. I turned around to face him, he kissed my forehead and said, " Goodnight"

I said it back as he wrapped one big arm around me and held me tightly. My mind whirled to the jetty. It was a bridge that stood above the water, as soon as you walked on it, you were walking on water. What if someone pushed me in? what if I started to have a panic attack when I was sitting down? Then everyone would see me and think im a freak. What if one of the guys didn't come back up?

Jace spoke, " What are you thinking about?"

I looked up at him, " What?"

" Your not asleep yet and you look scared. Whats got to you?"

" The jetty jumping thing, what if someone doesn't come up?", I asked him.

" Don't worry about that, we all know how to swim and plus the water pushes you back up"

I just nodded. My fear wasn't disappearing though. I knew I should tell him about what would happen if I were to be splashed or thrown in. I opened my mouth but I pinched myself. Nobody else could know about it. Not even Jace. Soon I fell asleep and had a disturbing dream.

_I was sitting on the jetty begging him not to jump. He was laughing at me like I was a weird person and then asked me why. I told him what happened to me when I was little and he laughed, " That was ten years ago, im not going to live my life like you. Afraid of even having a bath, I think its time to call it off"_

_I started to cry, " Call what off?"_

_He just laughed, " This relationship. I love the water and im not giving it up because of you and what happened to you. Were done clary, that's it"_

I sat up with a start, gasping for air. I felt my eyes and they were wet. I had been sleep crying. Jace stirred beside me, his bed hair and he flopped his arms either side of him and stretched, yawning as he opened his eyes. He smiled as he turned his head to face me and when his opened fully he sat straight up and pulled me into his chest, " Whats wrong?" he asked the question urgently with worry in his eyes.

I wiped my eyes, "It was just a bad dream, its nothing to worry about"

Jace pulled me tighter, " It is Clary, your crying. What happened in your dream?"

I sighed and held his hand against my stomach, " In my dream you broke up with me"

" Well, I would never do that. I love you Clary. Forever and always"

I giggled, " I love you too Jace"

He got up, taking me with him. We walked to the kitchen and he started to make us toast. We ate our breakfast at the table while watching the morning news. Nothing really interesting so I tuned it out. Jace didn't bother watching either.

When we were finished, Jace went into the bathroom. He closed the door and told me not to come In until he came and got me. So I sat on the couch watching a movie. I could smell the scent of matches and got worried, " Jace, are you alright in there?"

" Yep, don't come in" he shouted back. I turned back to my movie. What was he doing in there?

Almost as in response to my question he came out, his sleeves were up and his hands were wet. He held them out to me and I hesitated before grabbing them and letting him lift me up. He walked me to the bathroom and swung the door open. My eyes instantly clicked to the shimmering surface of the bath. It had bubbles in it. It was hazy from the bubbles and I felt my heart pounding furiously in my head. All my bones froze and I was paralysed to the spot. I felt dizzy and the room was spinning. My chest tightened and I started to cough. Jace was there asking me what was wrong but the only word I managed to say was water. He left me and raced out of the room to the kitchen as my eyes rolled in my head and my vision dotted. I choked on my breath as the dim light was replaced by darkness and I felt myself falling.

_**don't forget to review!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Please Review! And thankyou to everyone who reviewed:D enjoy!**_

~~JACE POV~~

I had just finished my creation. I had filled the bath with warm water and soapy bubbles. Lighting a dozen candles that flickered throughout the warm I went and got Clary. She looked so bored.

I thought it would be nice to make her this nice bath to relax in. After that dream, she looked very disturbed by It. I knew she wasn't telling me everything about It, me breaking up with her would not make her sleep cry. But I had decided to leave it there. I figured she could unwind in the warm water.

But when I brought her to the bathroom, I felt every single muscle in her body tense. She started to shake and I wondered what was wrong but then she started to cough and choke. I got scared and then she pointing to her throat and said water. I quickly dashed out of the room and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. There was stacks of them in there. I unscrewed the lid quickly as I rounded the corner and skidded into the room, only to come face to face with Clary, lying motionless and spread out on the tiled floor.

I put the bottle of water onto the counter and knelt down on the floor. Her lip was bleeding slightly and her eyes were closed. Her chest slowly moving. I touched her cheek, " Clary?"

No answer or movement. I dripped cold water onto my hands and then put them on her cheeks. Still nothing. Okay, now I was starting to panic. I took her hand in mine and squeezed it and asked her questions.

" Come on Clary, please wake up!", I half shouted. Desperate to get her back. Was she dead? No, she was still breathing.

Just then her hand squeezed back. I heard her cough and I grabbed the water and held it to her, she took it and gulped it down as she sat up. She looked distant, if you know what I mean. but then as she touched her lip she looked at me in fear and then back at the floor. Her eyes started to glisten with tears and I pulled her towards me. Holding her head against my chest and telling her it would be okay. I don't know why that just happened, but I knew she was scared.

" Why did that just happen?", I asked her.

" I don't know", she simply answered.

" God, for a second there I thought you were dead. Im so glad your still here" I told her and I felt her smile, " I would never leave you like that Jace"

I shook my head and smiled down at her.

o.0.o

~~CLARY POV~~

Laying in my bed with Jace slowly stroking my hair was like a dream come true. He had refused to leave me alone and I doubt he would until Isabelle came and got him. I had told him I didn't know why I had fainted. I wasn't going to tell him that the bathwater did that to me. What would he think of me if I told him? His girlfriend fainted at the sight of a bath. I hadn't fainted like that since I was ten. I couldn't imagine myself on the jetty. I would probably die. The ocean was deep, full of creatures that wanted to eat me and worst of all It stretched on for miles.

I eventually ended up falling asleep in Jace's arms as he lulled me to sleep with his head stroking and his chest rising and falling against the side of my face. I dreamt of nothing but when I woke up Jace was smiling at me.

" What?", I asked him.

He shook his head, " I love you"

I shrugged and said it back. My phone rumbled on the bedside table and I got up from Jace's chest and took the phone in my hands. I had a text message from Isabelle. _coming over in 5 _

As I turned the phone off I saw the date. Friday. Tomorrow was Saturday and the jetty jumping day. I already felt a lump in my throat.

I took a drink of water and slowed my breathing. Isabelle knocked on the door,

" Is it safe to come in?" she shouted from the other side.

" Wait….. Now it is" Jace said.

I giggled as Isabelle walked in with a bag of stuff. She dumped it on my bed and pulled out a bikini. My breath caught in my throat. This was really hard to pretend I wasn't scared. Of a bikini. It just meant that it was really happening. I really was going to sit on a jetty and watch my boyfriend jump over it into waves and then have a mini heart attack until he came back up and I knew he was safe.

Isabelle pinched my arm, " Clary!?"

I jumped and grabbed my arm, " Sorry. What were you saying?"

She rolled her eyes, " I said. Which one do you like best?"

" Oh umm.." I said, looking at the four pairs of laid out bikinis on the bed, I pointed to a random one, " That one"

I had pointed to a blue and white striped one and Isabelle smiled, " Good choice honey. Now go put it on"

I froze, " What?"

She grabbed my hands and pulled me up, taking me to the bathroom to change. Leaving the safe haven of Jace's arms, he stared after me longingly and worryingly. He was worried about me still. I only fainted but to him it might have looked like I had died. I gave him a fake reassuring smile. I was reassuring him not myself. He smiled back as I walked down the hallway, losing my reflection in his golden eyes.

Isabelle pushed me into the bathroom, " Why is Jace acting like that?"

I frowned as I started to undress and Isabelle turned around, " Like what?"

She huffed, " Like he's protecting you. I saw that look you guys exchanged before you left. What happened that's shook him up so much?"

I took a deep breath, " He thought it would be nice to make me a nice candlelit, bubbly bath for me to soak in after I had a bad dream. I just started to have a panic attack and then I fainted and he has refused to leave me alone since"

Isabelle turned around and hugged me, " Oh Clary! You poor soul! I can only imagine what was going through your head. And his head"

I nodded and pushed her away so I could get dressed. When I was done, Isabelle turned around and gasped, " You've lost weight, but that bikini suits you. Wear it tomorrow and Jace will be star-struck!"

I nodded again and smiled. Would he really be stars-truck? Or would he just see me as another girl with a small bikini on?

_**Well? Will he see her as just another girl? **_


	4. Chapter 4

_**Hi! Please review, im lonely:D**_

That night, I was tossing and turning so much that my mum had to come out of her studio and sit with me. She would hold my hand, stroking my knuckles. It was one of the very rare moments that I saw her. It was nice to have her around for a bit longer than two seconds and besides seeing a glimpse of her as I left for school.

I could see the sunrise poking through the blinds and lighting up my room. The way the orange/yellow light seemed to shine and dance around the room and flicker on the posters, made everything seem okay. Like if the sun rose everyday, it would be a happy day for everyone and things would be alright. It sounds stupid but I believe it anyway.

Mum got up, " Im sorry. I have a meeting to get to, but if your in trouble or anything, call me please. I don't want to lose you like I lost Luke"

She smiled and walked out of the room. I rolled my eyes and huffed. She didn't mean that. She would ignore the calls if she was in a meeting. If she didn't want to lose me, she would not lock herself up in her studio 24/7.

A single tear rolled down my cheek, a horrible feeling of sadness built up in my stomach. Trying to force more of the salty tears down my cheeks. I frowned and wiped my face and took a deep breath. It came out ragged and choked but I would not cry for her. I would not cry for the choices she had made, she didn't deserve my tears. I had a saying that I lived by : I would not cry for the same thing twice.

o.0.o

Isabelle was now sitting on my bed, waiting for me to get ready. Jace was meeting us there. Same with Izzy's boyfriend Simon, Alec and his boyfriend Magnus and Maia and Jordan. They would all be there if something bad happened. They would all be there to laugh and point and bully Jace into dumping the water scared girl. They would pick on me forever and always. All because of a little water. I could just see it now.

Isabelle called my name out frantically and came running into the bathroom. She sighed out a sigh of relief when she saw me, " What?" I asked her confused.

" I thought something happened. Ive been calling you for like five minutes", she told me as she walked over to me and hugged me.

" Well, im fine. don't worry about me Iz", I reassured her and pulled away as she pulled me down the hallway and outside.

She dumped me in the front seat of her blue buggy thing of a car and turned on the radio full pelt. She gripped the steering wheel and bobbed her head to the beat of the music.

I laughed when she started to sing loudly and we drove away. Towards the beach. The place where I could freeze and die. The place where Jace could dump me. The place were I could get bullied.

Izzy stopped the car and as I stared out the windshield my breath caught in my throat and I felt like vomiting. Before me was an endless array of blue, churning water, that with a drop of water could kill me. I stared at it like it was a person in the dark trying to murder me. I knew I probably was over reacting but who could blame me? Who knows what could happen in the next couple of hours.

Isabelle touched my arm gently, I turned to look at her, " Don't worry about it Clary. Nothing will happen. I promise"

I smiled and nodded at her reassurance. But it was fake. I was scared out of my mind, my palms grew sweaty and I decided to change topic, " Do I look okay?"

She laughed, " Would I have let you out of the house if you didn't?"

I smiled and rolled my eyes, as I searched the car park for Jace.

" Their at the jetty already" Isabelle said beside me. I took a deep breath and nodded as I followed her out of the car.

The wind was blowing ferociously and I felt like if I didn't keep walking heavily then it might blow me away and into a tree or something. As we walked closer to the jetty I could already see the frothy waves clashing against the sand at the shoreline. I saw the water smash against the very sharp looking rocks and break into small drops but then come together as one again. I couldn't see through it, the sand made it all murky and muddy looking. I felt cold and shivered as the image of the muddy water entered my mind again. I swallowed hard and continued walking with Isabelle in front of me.

My bare feet hit the wooden planks of the jetty and I immediately froze. Between me and the swirling mass of ocean below me was only a thin plank of wood. I felt myself shaking and I quickly reached into my bag and grabbed my bottle of water and took a gulp. Closing my eyes as I swallowed and tried to forget that I was above water. I tried to imagine that I was just walking on a wooden plank across grass to get to Jace.

Isabelle stood in front of me and put her hands on my shoulders, " Clary look at me"

I opened my eyes and looked into her pale blue ones.

" You can do this. You have an amazing boyfriend standing at the end waiting for you to come be in his arms. Where he will kiss you and hold you like his life depends on it. If you want that you will walk only 20 metres to be with him and then everything will be fine"

I smiled and nodded. I walked with her to the end where everyone was seated. Jace ran over to me and kissed me fiercely. Pushing his lips onto mine and making them feel like they were on fire. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his hands on my lower back, he pushed me into him and I felt his warm body against mine. He hadn't gone in yet. Which was good.

Part of me was wishing he would have already gone in before I got there, so I didn't have to watch him flip over the edge and wait anxiously for him to come back up. The other part of me wanted him not to go in yet because if he did I wouldn't of been able to hug him or kiss him like was doing now because of his water soaked skin.

" Jace! Stop mauling her with your tongue and come in with me!", a guy called. Jace pulled away hesitantly and turned around. The guy who was speaking was Alec.

Jace looked at me, " I'll be right back", he told me as he quickly kissed my cheek and sprinted off in the direction of the ocean. Alec joined him and together I watched them sprint as fast as they could go and then they jumped. Jace jumped higher than Alec and did a back flip in the air. I then heard two massive splashes and the water sprayed up, dotting the edge of the jetty with water droplets.

My heart raced uncontrollably in my chest and I stood tall and straight. Would he come up? I started to shake slightly and I felt dizzy. Oh god!

_**Review and tell me what you think is going to happen in the next chapter:D**_


	5. Chapter 5

_**Thankyou so much:D sorry for the wait though guys, I had a rough week**_

_**Recap:::**_

_My heart raced uncontrollably in my chest and I stood tall and straight. Would he come up? I started to shake slightly and I felt dizzy. Oh god!_

I scrambled through my bag for the bottle of water frantically but my fingers were not able to grasp it. I pushed a stray curl out of my face and continued my search. I felt butterflies in my stomach. _please! Not here_, I thought. It would be so embarrassing and awkward for everyone. Mostly me, but still…

My fingers closed around the small lid of the bottle and I wrenched it out my bag, unscrewed the lid and took big swigs of water like I had just spent the last month in a desert. Isabelle placed a hand on my shoulder, " You okay?"

I nodded, " Yeah, im fine"

Iz pointed towards the jetty stairs that led closer to that swirling, frothy demon, " Look, Jace is back. He's fine see? He knows what he's doing"

I looked in the direction she was pointing and saw Jace coming up the concrete steps. His board shorts sunk to reveal the V at his hips, brought down from the heaviness of the water. The sun shined down on him and made him glisten and shine with the millions of tiny water beads clinging to his skin. He shook that glorious golden head of his, looking like a golden retriever after a bath, water showered around him. He caught me staring at him and smirked while he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back to reveal his forehead.

His eyes shone as he came closer and attempted to wrap his arms around me. I froze, paralysed to the spot. I prepared to be dampened by his skin on mine but it never came. I focused on the hand that had appeared on his chest and the black haired saviour known as Isabelle stood in front of me.

Jace tried to manoeuvre around her but she moved in time with him, blocking every possible path to me, " Oh no you don't! your not ruining her perfect outfit with water!" she exclaimed and Jace just laughed.

" Iz, her outfit Is made to get wet. Im not sure a little water will damage it in any way", Jace protested, looking to me for help but I just shook my head and smiled.

" I don't care! This is the hottest she's ever looked and your not ruining her", she told him with a determined tone to her voice that emphasized the last word, hinting to Jace that he should shut up now.

He just smiled and shook his head and then ran off towards Simon. I watched as Jace tackled him from behind and ran off with him over the edge. I heard the splash and the shower of sea water again. I flinched slightly and Isabelle pulled my hand to sit down.

I sat down with her, " Thankyou. For saving me"

She smiled, " Your welcome. Just let me know if anything is happening"

I nodded as Isabelle started to talk about Justin Bieber and his recent mishap on stage.

" Oh my god Clary! Did you hear about Justin Bieber at his last performance?", without giving me a chance to reply she continued ranting, " Well, he was on stage and he puked up not once but twice in front of everyone! How embarrassing! And it was from a glass of milk"

I laughed, " Really? A glass of milk? that's soo funny!"

We both laughed for five minutes without stopping. I don't know why I thought it was that funny, it really wasn't. it would be humiliating and embarrassing for him. Puking in front of probably a million people and then the incident being all over magazines, the news, radio and internet.

Jace and Simon both came back up. Simon had a scowl on his face and Jace was laughing, " Come on Simon! Don't be a wimp. It wasn't that bad"

Simon just gave him the finger and came and sat down beside Izzy, kissing her and then pulling away. Isabelle frowned, " What happened to my baby?"

" He tried to drown me!" Simon explained to Isabelle how Jace had pushed his head underwater and held it there for a couple of seconds.

Jace's voice boomed out from the edge again, " I did not! I was merely showing you what lives underwater", he said with a smile as he back flipped off the edge with Jordan and Maia and yet again made a massive splash.

Simon made a scoffing sound as we heard Maia squealing, " I still think he made an attempt to kill me. doesn't that count for an offence?"

I knew he meant it sarcastically, but that didn't stop the lump rising in my throat. I don't know why that lump was rising, it just was. What if Jace wanted me to go in with him? What would I say, how would I react? If I told him no, he would ask questions. If I answered yes, I would be thrown over the edge into that dark, murky and deathly water and probably die. I remembered the other night when I had passed out at the sight of a bubbly bath on the bathroom floor, I hadn't even gone in or touched it at all, but yet I still fainted. What would happen if I was in the water? Under it even.

I felt the nerves rising just thinking about myself trapped underwater with no air in my system. _stop it !_ I thought, I was being ridiculous now. Nothing was going to happen, I wasn't going in the water. Isabelle had promised me that. I didn't have to if I didn't want to. Nobody was going to make me go in. would they?…..

Everyone came up, Maia was doing up her bikini top again and Jordan was laughing at her. Jace came over, dripping wet and smiled, "Im going to get something to drink, anyone want anything?"

Everyone shook their heads and Jace walked along the jetty, his back turned to the rest of us. I turned back around just in time to see Simon jump in. beside me Izzy laughed, " I love it when he tries to show off. It never works!" she laughed again.

I laughed, " Im going to the toilet. Wanna come?"

" Sure", Iz said as she got up with me and we both turned around. As I turned my body, I felt a massive _wet _impact collide with my body and lift me up into the air. I was moving and fast. I knew it was Jace, I could see his golden curls in front of my face. I screamed as I realized where we were headed. I saw Izzy start to run towards me but then I no longer heard the thumping of wood as Jace's feet left the jetty and we were in the air together.

Nothing could stop him throwing me in now. I screamed louder,

" Izzy! Hel-"

My scream for help was cut off abruptly as I was engulfed in a mouthful of water.

_**Naughty Jace! What is going to happen now? Will she drown or will Jace save her just in time?**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Wow! Thankyou for the reviews:D appreciated! Do it again please! **_

RECAP::: My scream for help was cut off abruptly as I was engulfed in a mouthful of water.

I felt the freezing cold water wrap around my body. I felt like I was being constricted by snake, and then that familiar wave of panic washed over me, wiping through my body like the waves did and making the butterflies set in my stomach. My muscles cramping up and my eyelids wipped open by themselves.

I looked around but saw nothing. Not the sand at the bottom, or any sea creatures, no seaweed or posts of the jetty to cling onto. I reached down to feel where Jace's arms were once placed but nothing was there. I looked around me desperately but could not find Jace anywhere around me. My red hair looked like blood in front of my face. The way it swirled in circles around my eyes, and the strands spread out around me.

My eyes had grown accustomed to the salty sting of the water, they were used to it and I could tell, if I got out of this mess they would sting and burn like hell. I saw a beam of wavering sunlight stream down through the water and make it just a little bit brighter. It streamed down and then was obstructed by a crashing wave that collapsed right onto my head and pushed me further under the water. Further away from the surface. It rolled me around under the water like I meant nothing, like a pathetic little rag doll. It pushed me and rolled me. My arms and legs flailing about without my control.

The water rushed up my nostrils and I could feel it travelling down my throat. Leaving a burning feeling wherever it went. I swallowed gulps of water as the wave pushed me to a place where the water got incredibly cooler. I could no longer see the stream of sunlight or anything for that matter. But then I felt an incredible force push me up from my feet and my head broke the surface.

The cold air rushed over me like a soother and I took a big breath of air, taking in all I could until It got to the point where I was hyperventilating very severely. I started to feel light headed and at the same time I heard almost a dozen splashes and loud shouts of my name. of course I couldn't answer, my breathing wouldn't let me and the more I called Jace's name the more my voice got raggedy and hoarse. It was barely a whisper as I saw his golden head come up to the surface and look around desperately, like he was being hunted like an animal and looking for an escape. But he was looking for me.

My chest started to ache unbearably and for a moment I thought I was having a heart attack but it was the panic attack rising. The most intense I had ever felt it. But yet, the ocean wouldn't cut me some slack as at least three tumbling waves crashed down onto me again and I was submerged. My arm grazed something sharp and I opened my eyes to see the jetty's legs covered in jagged oysters and moss but what else was going to save me. I moved with the wave, even with my burning chest pain and light headedness I propelled myself towards it with a surge of adrenaline and wrapped my arms around the pole, ignoring the sharp pain that came from the oyster shells digging into my arms.

_Please don't die, don't die_, I thought. I couldn't die now. I hadn't even gotten to see how my life turned out. I had barely lived it. I wondered if I did die, if my mum would be upset at all. Would she mourn me like she did to dad? Or would she move on and forget she ever had a daughter at all and continue to paint her eternal love? But right now, I couldn't die in front of mine, at the hands of him. He would be devastated and I knew if I died right now, he wouldn't be the same person afterwards. I knew he would have a hard time moving on from me. So I tried my hardest to control my breathing as the water lapped my sides and sprayed up in my face. I clutched the pole tightly and squeezed my eyes shut, holding on for dear life.

I know it sounds childish but I started to cry. The tears fell down my cheeks and joined the ocean water below me silently.

But then as I looked out towards the open ocean I saw a massive wave heading straight for me, it could wipe me off this pole with its strength and I would be once again under water. Dying alone.

I cried out in pain as numbing and stinging sensations tingled through my chest and then it went to my lungs and I felt my grip loosening around the pole as I let go from the pain. My arms were cut up horrifically and bleeding. As I fell back into the wave travelling past me, my eyes closed and I blacked out as I was slammed into a separate pole and I lay motionless, sinking into the water that almost took my life when I was younger and had come back to get me now. Taking me like it had taken my father.

o.0.o

JACE POV

I thought it would be fun to chuck Clary in. by the looks of things, she was bored. Hanging around Izzy and Simon while he complained. So when she said she was going to the toilet, I ran towards her and scooped her up and I felt her body tense. If I was in the right mind then, I would of remembered her tensing like that the other night and I would of stopped and put her down.

But when I came back up, and saw Clary wasn't there, I thought she was just playing around and hiding from me or something but when I saw Izzy's face, I knew something was wrong. Izzy shoved my chest, " You stupid dick!", she shouted at the top of her lungs and people turned around to stare at us. She stared at me with her burning blue eyes and I was scared. Then she started to race towards the edge but I stopped her, " What is happening?!"

She looked at me, tears spilling down her cheeks that would soon be washed away by the ocean, " Lets just say she cant swim"

What have I done? I thought to myself. She was probably drowning down there, alone. Before I knew what I was doing, I had jumped off the jetty desperately. I hadn't even bothered to take on the proper position to jump or do any tricks. I just jumped and went pencil dive into the ocean. Multiple splashes soon followed as I swam around looking for Clary. But would she be gone? If she died here today, I would never forgive myself. It would be all my fault.

I searched underwater until my chest ached and my lungs and face burned. I needed more air but I was not going up until I found her. I frowned and felt very irritated that my body forced itself up to surface and I took a deep breath and shouted her name as loud as I could. But there was no reply or splash.

I bobbed back under and swam down as close as I dared too and scanned as far as my vision would allow but I still didn't find her. My heart raced in my chest and my eyes were pricking, not from the salt water around me but from the tears that were floating around in the water. I opened my mouth and screamed out in frustration and despration underwater. Part of me hoping the sound would travel to her ears and she would hear it, but the other half knew better. She wouldn't be able to hear it.

I resurfaced again and took a breath of air just as a wave came crashing down on top of me, it took me back under and pushed me back towards the jetty. My leg brushed against something soft, was it hair? I bobbed under and saw it was hair. Red hair. There was also a cloud of red surrounding her and floating up towards the surface. Blood and lots of it. I saw gashes in her arms and wondered what It was from. My heart rate quickened as I started to swim down towards her but just out of arms reach and a wave crashed onto the both of us. When it passed, Clary was nowhere to be seen anymore.

I clenched my fists as my lungs clenched and sputtered for air, the aching feeling would not subside and I had to resurface. When I did, I was under the jetty, looking straight ahead at Magnus and Isabelle, Isabelle was holding a phone in her hands and hugging herself tightly as Magnus hunched over something red, mangled between the rocks. He looked up and his eyes were streaming tears.

My heart skipped at least three beats. In a bad and horrifying way. I quickly propelled myself forwards and caught the next wave in towards him and I saw a shredded shirt lying just a little off from Magnus' feet, being lapped against the rocks by little waves. It was stained with blood. It was Clary's top that she had been wearing only moments before I decided to be an idiot. I was scraped against rocks and stinging and throbbing pain set into my shin.

Isabelle's screams into the phone were only a reminder of what I had done and I hadn't even seen Clary yet. She was crying hysterically into the phone and then she sighed and said thankyou, hanging up the phone and dropping to her knees beside Magnus and smoothing out Clary's hair. When she brought her hand back, I saw it was dark red. Isabelle screamed and dipped it into the water, just as I emerged. I brought my left leg forward first but it gave way below me and I couldn't stand on it or put pressure on it. What was happening?

I looked down and saw my shin had a very long, deep gash in it from being scraped against rocks. I could see the pink flesh beneath my skin and set my jaw. I wouldn't let this little pain stand between me and my injured girlfriend. I half crawled, half walked across the rocks that cut my feet with each excruciating step I took. Magnus and Izzy looked up at me and gasped, Izzy turned away but Magnus jumped up, " Jace! What the hell are you doing? Get off that leg right now before you snap it!"

I set my jaw and took a breath through my nostrils and shook my head. I didn't care if I snapped my leg in half, it wouldn't stop me from being by Clary's side. I had caused this and if I had to go through excruciating pain, so be it. Magnus shouted at me to stop and stay still but I ignored his pleas and then I came face to face with Clary.

I stood behind her where Magnus was perched and when I laid eyes on her, I crumpled to the ground, falling to my knees on the jagged rocks and hearing the crunch that came afterward and Magnus yell at me. I ignored the pain that set in and sat behind Clary, cradling her against my chest and holding her tightly, rocking back and forth and shaking with the sadness that overcame me. The tears that fell were involuntary actions. I didn't want them to fall in front of Magnus and Isabelle but they did anyway. Heavily falling and spilling onto Clary's hair. I cradled her tightly when everybody came out of the water.

Maia started to cry and Jordan put a hand on my shoulder. I didn't pay attention to them though as I pulled her closer still, her head dropping lifelessly in the crook of my arm, her hair leaving blood marks wherever it went and her arms hanging limply either side of her, a million cuts along them. The tears came harder as I kissed her forehead, and brushed her hair out of her eyes, my hands were trembling violently. They never did that. I swallowed, " Im so sorry", I whispered to her, but I knew she couldn't hear me.

I repeated those three words over and over again until the sound of sirens filled my ears and three paramedics rushed down to us, under that jetty, and started saying things that I didn't hear. Nothing around me mattered at that moment except Clary. I never wanted to let her go, I wanted to hold her against my chest for eternity. Nothing mattered anymore, not myself, not Isabelle or our friends, not my tears, not the immensely growing swarm of people who had come too observe the commotion.

I would never forgive myself if she died right now. If she died, I would kill myself to be with her. My life wasn't worth living if she wasn't in it anymore…..

_**How was that?! I love this chapter, I don't know why…. Please review though and tell me your thoughts?**_

_**Too dramatic? Too sad? What you think? **_


	7. Chapter 7

_**Thankyou so much for reviews! Keep it up: )**_

Clary was taken from my arms by the paramedics and lifted into an ambulance. Nobody was allowed to sit in the back with her as I had caused it and nobody here was her family. I watched in pain as the ambulance sped, not drove, _sped _up the road, towards the hospital. I didn't even know if she was alive. I hoped to god that she was. Otherwise I didn't know what I would do with myself. I would be the only one to blame for her death, I would be the one to cause her suffering. I couldn't imagine how frightened she must have been down there, in the ocean.

Isabelle had said that Clary couldn't swim, but I knew there was a lot more of the story that she wasn't telling me. I knew this because she had said ' lets just say…' and I desprately wanted answers. And fast. Did she just never learn how to swim? Or was there more too it?

I watched as the ambulance took off around the corner and I felt horrified. I knew what hospital they were taking her too, and I knew the way. All I needed was I car or something! But then I spotted my chance. A skinny guy about the same age as me, was putting his keys into the ignition of his motorbike. I looked back towards the others who were scrambling up from under the jetty and watching me, flicking their gazes from the motorbike and me.

Alec shouted for me to stop and think for a second but I ignored him as I smirked and ran off in the direction of the unsuspecting guy who owned the bike. I had no money on me to offer him, but hopefully Izzy did. I stopped right behind him and tapped lightly but impatiently on his shoulder, he turned around and looked at me as I spoke, " Excuse me sir, but you may I please borrow your bike for just half an hour at the most? Its an emergency and my sister will have some money for you?"

The guy just stared at me as I practically danced in front of him. Jumping from one foot to the other but then I saw a glint in his eyes. A glint of recognition, " Oh my god! Your that guy from the jetty right?!"

I nodded furiously, " Please, she's my girlfriend and I need to get to her right now!"

He stood aside, away from the bike as he motioned for me to get on, " Take all the time you want. I can see you love her and I respect a guy like you", he told me, smiling.

I returned the gesture as I buckled the helmet around my head and sat on the bike, turning it on and getting ready to drive off, " My sister. She's the black haired one in the pink bikini with the glittery guy. She'll have the money. Just name your price"

He shook his head, " No money. Just go and get to your girlfriend"

I smiled, " Thankyou so much sir. I owe you one. Ill bring the bike back as soon as I can"

He just nodded as I took off up the hill and chased madly after the ambulance which I saw in the distance. I skimmed between cars, earning angry horns blasting and curse words shouted at me but I didn't care. Nothing mattered to me until I knew Clary was alive.

I caught up to the ambulance and arrived at the hospital just in time to see them unloading her body from the back and sprinting with it into the double doors. I got off the bike and raced after them. Running alongside the edge of the stretcher with my poor Clary lying in the middle. She looked even more worse than before. Her chest was rising and raggedly falling, like it was painful for her to breathe. I just prayed for her life silently.

But then she disappeared in a room and the doors were slammed in my face. I pressed my face against the glass, needing to see what they were doing to Clary. All I saw was little glimpses of her as the crowd of doctors swarmed around her, trying to help her.

I saw them push her to the side and one of them grabbed her chin and opened her mouth, I saw one of them saying something but I couldn't hear them. Im guessing they were hoping she would cough up water. But no water escaped her lips, I knew she had drowned. Why couldn't I have done this before? She wouldn't have to be in the hospital right now, having a stranger wrench open her mouth and expect her to cough it all up. But she wasn't going to.

I watched as they flipped her over and opened her mouth and the doctor put a mask over her lips and then turned a knob on some weird looking tank. An air tank. I saw nothing else because they all looked at me and then slammed the curtains closed over the windows. Which made me feel like screaming.

So instead I slumped down against the wall and hit the hard tiled floor on my butt so hard it made me crinkle my nose and shift a little. I put my head in my hands and just slumped. Sitting there like a miserable cloud. A couple of girls passed by me and I heard their stifled giggles but I didn't pay attention to them at all. How could I when the love of my life was a wall away from me being saved from death? How could I manage to do anything?

I heard heavy footsteps running towards me and some voices. I peeked through my hands and saw down the corridor was everyone who was at the beach. Izzy was at the front, ahead of them all and her make up smudged in places. But then I saw Alec running. He was sopping wet still and I saw the water trailing behind him. But then I watched as he slipped in the water and fell face first into the blue tiled corridor, biting his lip and blood running down his chin as he stood up and a nurse took him away into a separate room.

Jordan started to laugh with Simon and when they looked at me and found I wasn't laughing, they stopped immediately and just stared. Stared at the miserable guy, hunched over against the wall and close to tears. Izzy sat down beside me, with Clary's bag clutched close to her chest. Seeing it, just made me think of my red headed girl inside that room, all alone, in pain, dying and because of me.

I turned to Isabelle, " Why cant she swim?"

" Its not for me to tell Jace", she simply said, not returning my gaze.

" Why isn't it? it's a simple short answer Iz! Can you just tell me please!", I begged her. What if clary died in there? She would never be able to tell me the reason behind her drowning. Besides me. I would live in this depressed state for the rest of my life.

"I told you! Its not my story to tell. When she wakes up, then you can ask her", she said as she stood up and tried to peek through the windows. Slumping her shoulders when she realised the curtains were drawn.

I swallowed, " And what if she doesn't?", I asked in a very pained filled voice. But Izzy just knelt down on her toes and looked me straight in the eyes and took my face in her hands.

She had never done this before, and it made me nervous, her hands shook slightly as she spoke, " When I say this Jace, I mean it. I swear by the angel, that Clary Fray will wake up. She will come out of this. You're my brother and I don't want to see you any more hurt than you are now, she will survive and she will be able to tell you her story"

I blinked my tears away from my eyes that threatened to fall with each word she had just said. We had always had a love/hate relationship but right now, the brother and sister relationship was full of love, sympathy and determination. One of the few moments where we connected. It was one to be cherished and never to be taken for granted.

She let my face go and sat down in the empty chair beside my shoulder and I felt Clary's bag brush through the arm rests and graze my cheek. I smelt her perfume through the fabric, Clary's usual smell. It brought the sadness back more intense than it was five seconds ago and I felt like punching something. But punching something, wasn't going to help her. It wouldn't help anyone.

Magnus came over and leant against the wall, crossing one leg over the other and folding his arms across his bare olive skinned chest. The water beads still on him but drying. His black hair amazingly still glittery but flattened and hanging loosely in his eyes. God, he looked like an emo punk on the verge of losing his mind. But he was joined by Jordan and Maia who sat cross legged on the floor, Jordan's arm hung around her shoulders like a protector. Like I should have been, instead of being the guy who killed his girlfriend.

I looked away and tried to focus on the positive side of things, but no matter how hard I tried, my mind wouldn't let me get my hopes up. I had been raised and taught to think about the most negative, worst thing that could happen because I would be more happier that way. Happier with the results because they would always be good. I had learned to keep my hopes down not bring them up and be crushed and disappointed in the end.

I started to chew my fingernails, a bad habit I developed when I was younger, but eventually I finished them off. They were already short and stubby to begin with so that didn't last long. So instead I grabbed my hair and pulled on it in a mask of frustration. How long would I have to wait? How long until I knew she would be okay? Until I knew she was alive and waiting to see me.

I didn't even know the injuries she had. I only saw blood running down her arms and little cuts along them. I hadn't seen anything else besides that and it made me nervous about what other injuries she had, that I hadn't seen and that could be very serious. She could have internal bleeding, a head injury I hadn't noticed, broken limbs, brain damage. Anything.

But the main question revolving around my head was:

Would I ever see my love again? Or would it end right now and right here, because of me?

_**Good or bad? Sorry if it boring: ) I wrote it in one day… but please review and tell me what your thinking!**_

_**Please?**_


	8. Chapter 8

_**Hiya! Omg! I am so sorry, in the last chapter, I wrote it so fast and hurridly that I forgot about Jace's bad so just think when you read it, when he is running, he is hobbling as best he can. So I apologize!**_

_**And a very happy birthday to the birthday girl guest!: ) hope you have a good day and you get lots of prezzies! This chapter is for you: )**_

It had been over an hour and I was getting worried. Frantic even. It was then, that a young nurse walked past and noticed my leg. I was still slumped against the wall, engrossed in my thoughts. Waiting and waiting for the news about Clary.

God, I hoped she would live. She meant way too much to me, to just be gone with the snap of a finger. It would be all my fault if she never woke up. All mine, I would have myself to blame and -

" Excuse me sir? Are you being looked after?", the nurses voice echoed through my head. I looked up at her and was met by chocolate brown eyes and dark blonde hair.

I shook my head slowly and she knelt down and looked at me, " Can you walk on it?"

I wondered what she meant for a second, but then I realised that she was talking about my leg. It was excruciating to walk on it before but maybe the only reason why I could walk on it then was because of the adrenaline pumping through my veins. That was all gone now, I had none left to help me.

I shook my head again as the nurse took my arm and slung it over her shoulder. I knew she was only trying to help but I flinched and rejected her touch. She looked hurt but she was a nurse. She must of gotten stubborn patients all the time. So how was I any different from them?

" Im sorry.. I.. I need to stay here. I have to be here for her", I told the nurse who just continued trying to lift me up. She wasn't going to succeed. I was at least twice the size of her. She was small and petite. Just like Clary.

" How about this: if you come to the room, just there", she said, motioning to a room right beside this one, " I will fix you up and you can come back here and sit here for as long as you like"

I looked towards the operating room door behind me nervously. I really didn't want to leave this spot. What if this girl took too long trying to fix me and by the time I came back, Clary was already out?

" Don't worry. She wont be out in a while. I saw her, when she came in. her injuries were pretty bad, I'd say she'd been in there for at least three hours" the nurse told me. How was that supposed to make me feel better? that's not what she was supposed to say. She was supposed to sugar coat everything, make everything seem better than it actually was. But instead, this nurse, told it as it was. Not sugar coating anything, telling the strangled truth.

I sighed and heaved myself up, using the wall behind me to lift me up. As soon as I put even a tiny bit of pressure on my leg, searing pain shot up my leg, all the way to my mid thigh and settled, throbbing and stinging. I made a small groan as the nurse helped me. She took me painstakingly slowly to the little room where she sat me down on a chair. She gently took my leg into her synthetically gloved hands and moved my leg to straighten it. I clenched my fists, " Does that hurt?"

I nodded and she let go of my leg gently and the pain subsided. Maybe it was broken. I couldn't move it without immense pain, I couldn't straighten it at all, " Is it broken?" I asked the nurse at my feet.

She looked up at me and smiled a small smile, " Nope. The pain is from the gash. it's a massive one too, if I was to poke around not even a centimetre, I would find your shin bone. Your very lucky, your leg didn't snap in half. How did you manage this?"

I swallowed, feeling a lump rising in my throat. A big lump, that threatened to spill hot tears down my cheeks. I didn't want to think about how I managed to do it. It brought back the sounds of my crying. The feeling of rocking myself back and forth with Clary in my arms. The feeling of her, maybe for the last time, in my arms. Light, like a feather. Her red hair tickling my thigh that I remembered now but didn't take notice of it before. The chill from the wind. The shouts and cries of Magnus and Isabelle. Magnus to get off my leg, Isabelle wailing into the phone and at me. For being stupid.

The choked gasps and cries of strangers that crowded around me -

A hand waved over my eyes, I focused to see the nurse staring at me concerned, " Are you alright?"

I shook my head in a way to clear it from everything but it didn't work, " Yeah, umm when can I go back?"

She looked down and smiled, " You really love her don't you?"

" You have no idea", I whispered as I looked at my leg depressingly. I really loved her more than anyone knew. I loved her more than anything. Nothing in this world or the next compared to her. She was my life. My world. Without her, I don't know what I would do. How would I survive in a world without her? When she walked into a room, you could feel the radiance bounce off her skin and hit you like a feather. You couldn't help but smile and laugh when she was there with you. She made everything seem alright. She could cheer people up in a second, just by opening her mouth or blinking.

o.0.o

An hour later, I was back sitting outside of Clary's room. My leg throbbed and ached but that was the last thing on my mind right now. I didn't mind the pain, its what I deserved. I deserved all the pain that I was going to get. Every single drop of pain.

The nurse had cleaned out my gash, stitched the skin back together and then bandaged it up and gave me crutches to help me walk properly since it was nearly impossible to actually get on that leg. I felt so weak, I wasn't used to being so helpless. I was used to being the strong one, who could do anything.

I felt like a bird. Spreading my wings, feeling the wind coarse through them and spread the feathers. Soaring high above the world, flying away from anything. Enjoying how high I could fly and forget all my troubles in the world. Just pure joy. But with the snap of a finger, my wings were clipped. The joy of flying ripped away from my fingertips. No longer being able to enjoy the breeze through the fragile feathers. Locked up in a tiny metal cage, like a prison. No trees to duck around and under, only one small stick. No flying. Freedom torn away from me, and replaced by a jail cell. Where I couldn't forget my troubles, but instead was all I could ever think about. No more hiding behind leaves or bushes, trying to cover the real me, now I was exposed to everyone and everything. Feeling sorry for myself and wishing that I was more careful. More cautious of the things that could happen in life. Anything could happen and now I was paying the price for my choices.

I felt my eyes drooping heavily and I was struggling to stay awake. Each time, my eyes closed I bolted up right and whipped them open. But each time, they started to close again. I looked out a window and saw that the sky, that was once, blue and full of fluffy white clouds was now a dull grey, black in some places. Looking bruised and grazed. Perfect weather to fit my mood right?

Eventually I lost the battle with my eyes and they drooped down. I didn't bother fighting it again. I let it overwhelm me and it came peacefully. I let my head droop down so my chin rested on my chest and fell into a deep sleep.

o.0.o

When I awoke, the heavy pattering of rain pounded above my head. Streaming down the windows. The sky lit up in an array of purples, blues and silvers as lightning struck the ground. Taking out its fury on anything that stood out to it. I wish I could do that. Take out anything that angered me or annoyed me. But I was only human.

But bolted up right as soon as I felt a hand on my shoulder. A firm grip that was unfamiliar. I looked to who it was and I came face to face with a doctor. He was middle aged. Wearing a name tag that said Wade. I stood up eagerly with my crutches under my armpits, " Is she okay? Please tell me she is okay", I asked him in a strangled voice. I was choking back the tears that were bound to come any second.

" Well, she had extensive injuries when she came in. She had life threatening blood loss from, we think, being thrown against rocks, so we had to give her a blood donation. She had mussel shells dug into her arms and legs. She has cuts all along her arms, legs, stomach and back. But what I really need to tell you is", he took a deep breath and looked me in the eye, " Her head injuries were very severe. At first we didn't realise how bad they were because her hair was the same colour as her bad but we noticed just in time. Her brain was deprived of oxygen and attempted to shut down but we managed to let the brain recover. Do you know how we aid them to recover?"

I shook my head, afraid of letting my words out. I didn't want to answer in case my cries replaced the words. I felt my eyes grow hot and flood with tears as I listened to him, " Well when patients have head injuries that effect the brain we are forced to enduce them into a coma. It gives the brain a chance to heal on its own, since we cant force the healing process. She will wake up on her own but for now she is in a coma. We don't know how long for though, only time will tell"

I raised my eyes to his and parted my lips shakily, " S- so she will live?"

He looked at me, " She has a 70% rate of survival, but there is a 30% chance that her brain will not heal and shut down completely which will lead to all her organs shutting down and then.. You know what happens when everything shuts down"

_**Did you like it? I am so sorry for the last chapter! I hope this one is better. Please tell me it is!:/ **_


	9. Chapter 9

_**So sorry for the long wait! I just didn't feel like writing anything for a while but im back now and school holidays start in a week and then I will have a lot of time on my hands to get these chapters finished.**_

_**I hope this chapter makes it up to you for taking so long…**_

Four months later

Everyday, I would sit hopelessly and pathetically beside her. Forever hoping that her eyes would open, revealing the green my heart yearned for. I missed hearing her voice and her laugh. I missed seeing her bright green eyes beneath her dark eyelashes. I missed.. All of her.

For four months I had sat in the same plastic white chair, directly beside her bed. My days were filled with burning aches and pains in anticipation for her to come alive again.

Occasionally I would leave my post to go the bathroom and do the necessary daily human tasks. But I would return straight after. Everybody was worried about my health, telling me I was losing weight, or looking pale. My mother was extremely worried to the point where she would force food into my mouth and make me eat it or drink something. My poor mother wanted to fix this, she wanted to fix me but she knew that it was hopeless, because to repair my broken heart, Clary would have to be standing in front of me with a smile on her face. Which I hoped would happen incredibly soon.

But in the space of four months, a lot had happened that Clary had missed. Which I took the blame for.

Isabelle and Simon had become engaged. At a fancy restaurant he had very nervously proposed to her, trembling and shaking and stuttering, he somehow managed to utter the words and slip the diamond ring onto her finger. Isabelle of course said yes, screaming and crying at the same time. But they had both vowed they would not have their engagement party until Clary was awake and well. After all, they were best friends and they would not let her miss it.

Jocelyn had opened the door to society and finally stepped out of the room in which she lived and mourned, to be there for her only daughter when she woke up and doing everything she could to help.

Maia and Jordan had gotten pregnant, only a month ago at the young age of 18. But both were excited and determined to be the best parents they could possibly be. They also agreed to hold the baby shower after Clary woke up. They had already come up with names, well Maia did but Jordan happily agreed to use them. For a girl, Carissa, and for a boy, Jackson. So just a few days ago, Jordan proposed to Maia, promising to be the best husband and daddy a woman could ever ask for.

My leg had healed, it was just a bit tender. I could walk and do things fine just not for long periods of time.

o.0.o

The hardest thing when someone is in a coma, is watching them be motionless. like a corpse. there is no movement, only the shallow rise and fall of the chest as it takes ragged breaths. there is no sound, no feel or anything. When you sit there all alone, you cant help but think of why they are there, or how they used to be.

As I sat there wallowing in my pool of grief, anger and regret, my heart would not let me rest as It sent images upon images of Clary before she came to the beach. it was gut wrenchingly painful to see them, and then looking down upon the 'dead' body of that soul that was once the bubbly, happy person I once knew. I had done this to her, she was suffering in dead silence because of me.

thoughts exploded in my head of what would happen when she woke up.

Smiling shyly and kissing her tenderly, very softly and sweetly. caressing her lips with mine and letting a little bit of who I am melt into her soul like a gentle whisper as my arms hold her ever closer because I love her.

I was never one of those guys who thought about the one girl that would get me soft, or make my heart flutter when she looked at me, who could make me feel better by a gentle touch but Clary could. Before I met Clary I was a player. I had slept with basically every girl in school, a man-whore was my nickname. when girls said that, the name Jace Herondale flicked into their heads and they got nervous.

but then everything changed when this small red headed girl walked into the school doors, saying she was from Boston and lived with her mum because her dad had divorced her mum and left without a word, she had no siblings or pets or any other relatives. but she was single. so I made a move and she rejected me. she was the first girl who had ever resisted my charm and I was insulted so I was persistent and she eventually agreed to go on a date with me to a restaurant. I remember her ordering fries with gravy because she was too afraid of spilling something on her but she ended up knocking the gravy into her lap. I bought her a new skirt and she was too embarrassed to continue with the date so I took her home.

after a couple of weeks, we were an item. girls called her horrible names and dirty looks but she said I was worth it and she could take it. the first time we kissed, I felt that spark that I had seen in movies with Isabelle. when she touched me, my skin shivered and goosebumps rose on my skin. making her laugh. it was amazing what she could do, I just wished I could feel her touch now. it would mean the world to me. just for her to reach out and gently tap my knuckles or something. but it wasn't going to happen.

I silently and slowly reached out my hand and clutched Clary's cold hand gently in mine. It gave me some relief but not much. it wasn't the same as when she squeezed it back before all of this. she wouldn't send me reassurance that she would be okay. I had to figure it out and hope by myself. I didn't want to though, I wanted her by my side forever, not being hurt by the people she loved.

I rested my chin lightly on the edge of the bed, brushing it ever so gently on her fingers that were in my grasp. I felt a tear slide silently down my cheek and splash delicately onto the wide bed spread.

" Please wake up Clary. I need you to know that I love you more than anything in this world. you are my world and I am so sorry for doing this to you. I regret throwing you in and not listening to you. just please wake up and let me know that your okay. I wish upon a thousand shooting stars that you will give me some sort of sign that you are alright. no matter how small or big just give it to me please", I whispered as another warm tear slid down my cheek.

but right at that moment, I almost jumped out of my skin as her hand gradually started to squeeze mine back. I raised my head and looked down at our hands together and saw her hand constricting around mine and holding it tightly…

it was a gift from the heavens above.

_**so, how was that? do you forgive me now? I tried really hard on this chapter so I hope it was good..:D**_


	10. Chapter 10

_**Omg! So sorry for the wait! Ive been super busy with Christmas and New Years and birthdays! **_

I must of sat there for a few good minutes, staring, so wide eyed I thought my eyes were going to pop out of my head, at our hands together. Her hand was awfully pale and now motionless again, but I swear I felt it. I couldn't of imagined it, it was real I knew it was. _it had to be, _I thought to myself.

The door opened to the room, whoever was standing there cleared their voice, but I didn't respond. I didn't even move, I just continued staring at our intertwined hands, like it was some sort of abnormal thing of life, that nobody else had ever seen before. But I wasn't scared or angry, I was shocked, happy and excited. That feeling of _did that really just happen or was I dreaming? _came upon me and filtered through my mind and left me wondering, _which was it? _but then it was replaced by a feeling of nervousness, anticipation and excited.

Many people might thought it would be stupid or dumb to be nervous when your girlfriend was going to wake up from a four month long coma, but I was. I was nervous because when she woke up, she might be furious at me, she might not want me anymore. She might wake up, lay eyes on me and start yelling at me, hell she could even hit me. I would let her too. She could even break up with me. But my biggest fear of them all was : she might hate me. Generally hate me. The kind of hate, that prevented two people from talking, or even seeing the other. What if she hated me like that? It would feel like a bullet to the heart, a sharp pain would form and then it would explode into a million tiny pieces and I would die. If she hated me like that, I would die.

" JACE!", a very loud yell erupted from beside me. Making me jump and snap my neck towards whoever yelled my name. a worried looking Isabelle stood beside me, her hand clutching my sleeve in a tight hold. I looked up, from her hand on my arm, to her distressed blue eyes. Realizing she now had my attention, she began to speak, " Everybody's going to get something to eat, and freshen up at home, everybody thinks it would be best if you came too. You havent eaten much, and we both know you need freshening up"

I looked back at my hand with Clary's, anticipating something. Anything, to happen again to show Isabelle. I looked back to Izzy and was about to tell her about Clary's sign but she cut me off, " And you really need to shave that little beard you got going on there"

I completely ignored that statement and said, " Im not going anywhere Iz, I cant"

She dropped her hand on my shoulder to rest it on her hips, " Jace, you cant keep sitting here like a zombie until she wakes up. She wouldn't want you to sit here every single waking moment and not doing anything but stare at her and feel guilty"

Next thing I knew, I had stood up and gripped Isabelle's shoulders and she looked at me terrified, like I was going to hurt her. I wasn't but I needed to tell her what happened, I knew she would be over the moon happy about it.

" Isabelle. I need to tell you something", I said to her, looking into her eyes that were confused and scared.

" You can let me go and then tell me, it better be a good reason to get you out of coming home with us", she said through a bitter whisper.

I let go of her and apologised quietly and then began telling her what happened just moments before, " The reason I cant go anywhere, is because before you came in, I was holding Clary's hand and I told her to give me a sign that she would be okay, and she squeezed my hand back. It was only tiny but Iz, I don't know if It was my imagination or it was real", as I finished speaking.

She blinked in surprise at what I'd told her but then she walked over to Clary and took her hand, " It still feels the same Jace, the temperature I mean. but If something happened we have to tell the nurse in charge of her, just to be safe"

I nodded and jogged out of the room. I found the nurse with the blonde bun and pointy glasses that was in charge of Clary's condition, and told her what happened. She followed me into her room and then opened a small cupboard and took out a small machine. It looked like a laptop but it was much thicker, she clipped a clamp onto Clary's finger and then turned on the machine. A steady beeping started and she started to explain, " You said she squeezed your hand after you talked to her, this machine will search the nerves and tendons in her wrist and all the way up to her brain, to see for any type of movement or pressure that caused the squeeze, if she did, this machine will tell us just how much pressure she used to move and if she didn't nothing will show up. Lets cross our fingers for you, that she did. Im feeling depressed every time I walk in here"

I nervously laughed and rubbed the back of my neck, " Sorry"

She just smiled and let the machine beep and make all sorts of noises, Clary didn't once move or flinch while this was happening. What if the machine showed no signs of movement? Everyone would think I was crazy or stupid, maybe I did imagine it. The nurse would just tell me it was my emotions getting a hold on me or something in doctor language that I wouldn't understand.

I felt someone grab my hand, and I flinched and looked down to see Isabelle's hand holding mine and giving me reassurance. I swear this was supposed to be the other way around, I was the older brother, shouldn't I be giving her reassurance? But I suppose it was a time that I could let it go. This once.

Finally I heard the machine beep, and the whirring of it working ceased as it analysed everything. I looked at the nurse, keen to get the answer. If it actually was real, I would be over the moon happy. If she did move didn't it mean that she was close to waking up?

The nurse turned to me and with a smile on her face, " She squeezed your hand at the sound of your voice. It was only little like you said but it was enough to be read on the machine. This means that she should wake up sometime in the next three months. Her brain is starting to function at the moment by moving her limbs and joints but when she wakes up, she will need months of recovery and re cooperating. This is very good news guys"

Before I knew it, I had jumped up and caught Isabelle in my arms and saying, " She's gonna be okay!"

Izzy was telling me to put her down but the amount of happiness I felt at that moment was over whelming, that I began shed tears.

Iz looked at me, " AW! Jace, don't cry, you'll make me cry!" she said with a smile, but soon enough, she began crying too. We cried together out of happiness that my girlfriend and her best friend would be waking up soon and we could all be together again. I couldn't wait until the moment where I could finally hold Clary in my arms again. Feel her chest rising and falling against me, her warm breath in the crook of my neck and the feel of her lips against mine, as I brought her in for a missed kiss.

I wiped my eyes and let out an embarrassed cough, now turning my back to Isabelle and the nurse, I faced Clary and could only imagine her eyes opening and shining that amazing and unique emerald green. But I also needed to ask her a question. Why did she have a panic attack underwater? I had been told she couldn't swim by Isabelle. But I knew there was more too it. Every kid learnt how to swim in this state. Nobody I knew, knew how to swim and they all loved the water, so what was the real reason behind Clary's under water panicking.

But I would ask her after she had recovered and everything would be okay. Then she might be more willing to answer it instead of ignoring the question and moving on.

The nurse left the room and Isabelle rubbed my shoulder and followed out to call the others and tell Jocelyn. I grabbed her hand in mine once again, I didn't feel whole if our hands weren't together, and bent down to lightly kiss her cheek. Tingles were sent down my spine and my lips burst with fire and heat coursed through my veins. It was only a kiss on her cheek but it was more to me, it was the world and space combined.

I could only wait for the time when she woke up, and I would kiss her like no tomorrow. I hoped it would be soon.

_**Sorry if it was poor, I didn't really know what to write in this chapter. I winged it!:D **_


	11. Chapter 11

_**Wow, sorry for the long wait.. Once again…. Got a lot on my mind! So stressful! And I had no internet for ages! **_

Alec POV

Kissing Magnus was unbelievably addictive. Every time, we were locked in a moment of magic. I half expected to open my eyes and see floating balls of candle light or colourful sprinkles of glitter in the air. But of course, the only glitter in the room, was the sparks that were covering Magnus and shaking out of his hair onto my hands as I tugged the strands. Getting more and more into it as the minutes ticked by.

I felt his hands on my waist, tugging against the belt loops with his fingers and pulling me closer to him. Lifting my shirt up above my head and tossing it into the nearest corner, removing his black vest and white T- shirt with black sequins spelling Alive on the front. His hands reached my pant zipper and began to undress my lower half, hesitating before to ask permission,

" Its Okay Magnus, I want to"

I only said that, because every other time that he had tried to go the next step with me I completely blanked out and freaked. I wasn't sure I was ready for this sort of thing, but now I was and I wasn't afraid, I was in the moment. I saw Magnus smile. Not in lust but in love. Absolute love. Trust. Something I wasn't really good at. But he had taught me along the way of our relationship.

He unbuttoned my jeans and I the same to his. Pretty much in our boxer shorts we began to make out again. His teeth lightly bit down on my bottom lip and his tongue flicked against them both. His hands tugged at the strands of my black hair, but it didn't hurt. It made me want him even more. His hands then travelled to my chest and placed both of them there as he slowly started to descend his fingers until they gripped me. I made a slight noise which Magnus seemed to like as he kept going…..

' _**we like to sleep all day and party all night, **_

_**This is how we like to live my life…"**_

Magnus' phone blasted out of his pants pocket. He pulled back and I the same, he sighed with disappointment as he cursed at whoever was ringing. I stared after him as he swung his legs over the side of the bed and raised himself into a standing position, I watched the way his muscles worked. The way they twitched and worked under his beautiful shimmering olive skin. A small smile crept up to my lips as Magnus answered the phone,

" Whoever this is, better have an excellent reason for calling me right now, I was just in the middle of something of great importance to me-"

He seemed to be cut off as a male voice was yelling eagerly and impatiently through the speakers, only one to be recognised as Jace's voice. I heard him clearly, which was enough to be said for me to jump up, dress myself as fast as I could and compose myself from recent activities.

" Clary's going to be awake sometime in the next three months!"

Jace POV

" _Clary, come here, I have to tell you something?", I told her as I propped myself up in my bed. The sheets feel away from my body and Clary smiled from the doorway. _

_She folded her arms stubbornly, " Why cant you say it now? Nobody's home dummy"_

_I pouted and widened my golden eyes to her green ones, " Pleeeease! Its really secrety"_

_She laughed, " Not a word, its not in the dictionary. Its secretive"_

_I puffed, " Don't quote the dictionary you nerdy girl"_

_Another laugh escaped her lips , " Im not nerdy, im passionate"_

_A grin formed across my lips, " Whatever you say, please come here"I pouted again, and this time she unfolded her arms with a smile and walked cautiously over to me on the bed. She sat next to me and she waited for an answer._

" _Closer", I demanded as she scooted closer to me. I repeated it until there was absolutely no space between us and she was practically sitting on me. But I didn't mind. _

" _Well, whats this important secrety secret of yours?", she asked me, and she looked into my eyes with such love that I thought that if I died right now, it would be perfect and my life would be complete._

_I put my lips to her ear and whispered, " I love you",_

_She didn't have time to respond as I attacked her with kisses and tickles. I kissed her face, her neck and her arms and then back up. Laughing the entire time, _

" _I love you too!"_

Of the many memories I hoped I would never lose. I looked up to look at my sleeping beauty on the hospital bed, her eyes were still closed and she still lay motionless but I knew somewhere inside of her, the waking up process had started to begin. Bringing butterflies to my stomach and tingles to my skin, I got up and kissed her forehead, " I love you Clary"

As I opened the door to her room and let myself out, I was attacked by Alec and Magnus. Alec wrapped his arms around me and Magnus the same, saying how happy they were for me and how excited I must be. I was over the moon. I felt like I was on a high.

" But please Jace, next time. Just text don't ring. I was doing something very important with Alec", Magnus complained. His eyes seemed to shine and glimmer in the light as he spoke,

" Eww…" I told him, my brother and best friends sex life was something I did not or ever wanted to know about. EVER!

Isabelle POV

I remember the time when Clary told me about her dangerous fear of the water. I hadn't believed her, but then I saw how the tears streamed down her face. She told me that what she had told Jace and everyone else about her background was a lie. She wasn't from Boston, she was from New York. Just another part of it. Her mother was still grieving the loss of her husband from that tragic day, not paying attention to her daughter who was more hurt then her mother.

" _Iz can I talk to you?", Clary asked me _

_I looked down at her, " What the hell just happened?!"_

_She had just had a major panic attack, her breathing had become hyperventilating, her lips turned blue and she began to shake. Not like you shake when your cold, but severe shaking. Max had just thrown a bucket of water off the edge of the balcony and landed right on top of Clary's head. Soaking her to her feet. She just clutched her chest and began wheezing, then she fell to the ground and began to choke for air and shake so hard, I thought she was having a heart attack. _

" _That's what I wanted to talk to you about", she said as I grabbed her hand and hoisted her up. _

" _Sure Clary. But first we have to get you cleaned up"_

_I gave her a change of clothes that I knew she wouldn't appreciate wearing. A blue and white striped top with dark blue high waisted shorts with big gold buttons on the sides. She walked out of my bathroom and I loved it. She didn't though, it was obvious on her face._

_I patted the space beside me and she sat down, " So, what did you want to talk about?"_

" _About what happened just then… but you have to promise you'll keep it to yourself Iz, you cant tell anyone not even Jace because he'll go all commando protective on me", she said with a little smile. _

_I nodded silently, afraid to say anything as for what was to come out of her mouth next._

" _My life is a lie. Im not from Boston. My parents weren't divorced. Its all a lie and im sorry for saying it but I had to - "_

_I cut her off, "What do you mean weren't?"_

" _When I was six I was on a road trip with mum and dad. We stopped for gas and a man jumped in our car and stole it. I was still in it and technically he kidnapped me. I think he was trying to get away from someone so he stole our car, mum told me not to make a sound when the car took off and sped down the road, away from mum and dad. There was a car ferry and I guess he thought he could speed up and jump the car onto the barge, but he missed by a lot as the boat moved away. The car sunk into the river and the man got out which made the water rush in quicker and soon enough the whole car was full of water, my door was stuck so I couldn't get out but my dad swam down to get me, he got the door open but his shirt got stuck on the handle when we were swimming away, he died then and I saw it all happen. After that I was blind because of how muddy the water was. But my mum found me and she brought me back to the surface. After that, I had severe panic attacks whenever I was near or touched water. I cant go swimming with anyone, it doesn't matter who it is, I freak out. I don't know how to swim either, but please don't judge me on this, I really would like you to stay my friend and not leave me like so many others have before you…"_

_I was silent for a moment, taking it all in. I cant believe this actually happened to a little girl like Clary. Her father died right in front of her and it was all thanks to some man who thought it was okay to steal a car. I felt so sorry for her, I just felt like grabbing her and hug her into oblivion. But I could see that a tear rolled down her cheek and she wiped it away quickly, thinking I didn't see. But I did._

" _Clary, thankyou for telling me this little secret of yours. I will still be your friend and treat you no differently than I did before. Your still the same person, you just have one fear that holds you back from some things, everyone has one. Its just a flaw and the way I see it, now I can help you through it and be like your guardian angel", I smiled when I saw her sigh in anticipated relief. She smiled and hugged me, I hugged her back and we both laughed at ourselves. _

That was when I first found out, if only Jace had known about this fear of hers, this wouldn't of happened. But it was going to be all okay, she had started to wake up, and when she did finally open her eyes, Jace would be the first one she saw, he would be the one to help her through recovery and to kiss her into forgiveness. There would be a lot of healing for everyone once she woke up, a lot of tears and a lot of hurt and pain. But it was all okay, I didn't mind, as long as I had my best friend back to celebrate my engagement.

I played with my beautiful diamond ring on my finger and silently laughed, Isabelle, the girl who had so many boyfriends and played with the strings of their hearts, only to get engaged to probably the biggest nerd in school. But he was my big nerd and I loved him so much. A shout came from the hallway up ahead and I looked to see what the commotion was about. I almost laughed when I saw Simon, My Fiancés standing over a nurse, trying to help her up with one cup of coffee in his hand and the other was all over the nurse on the ground.

The nurse growled at him and told him to go away angrily. He frowned and apologised again for about the hundredth time and then made his way back to me on the couch outside Clary's room. He smiled and handed me the one coffee, " You can have mine, since I spilt yours all over that nurse"

I took the coffee and smiled, " Thanks babe, your in so much trouble with that nurse, im surprised she didn't beat you up"

Taking a sip of my coffee, Simon defended himself, " I could take that hag on if I wanted to and I win"

I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder, he pulled me closer with his arms and brought me into his side, where he rested his head on mine and sighed, " I love you Iz"

I smiled, " I love you more Si"

_**Sorry if this was boring, or un creative and im extra sorry that this took so long and this what you guys got, but ive been going through a pretty hard time lately and I think I may have lost my train of thought.. So I would appreciate it very much, if you guys could stick with me through this story **_

_**: ) thankyou!**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry to keep you guys waiting…. But please review and stay with me? **

**Clary POV**

_Dreams and memories was all I had. _

_There was one part in my dream that always confused me. I would be jogging through the park in the early mornings, like I do; the cold breeze whipping against my face and making my nose turn red. The red leaves falling around me like fire drops. I would run and run and then I would close my eyes for a split second and then I would be on the cement pathway. In a messed up heap, my earphone cords tangled up around me and my phone on the ground beside me. As I wondered how I got there, a man in leather jacket and jeans held his hand out and helped me up. But when I looked up to see who this man was, his face was just a blur. I could see nothing but fuzziness. Like on the sultana bran ad, it was all blurry. He never spoke. He just held out his hand and helped me up and then walked off. When I tried to catch up to him, he would disappear. Like a ghost. One minute he was there and the next he wasn't. It confused me and I didn't know what it meant. _

_I always ran back home to my mother, who opened the doors with wide arms. She hugged me and told me she loved me. I told her the same and went to change and shower. But there pjhwere guests in the house. There was the man in the park, three other men and two women. Their faces were all fuzzed up, just like before. The only difference was that I knew one of the women. Isabelle. My best friend. She told me to go to sleep and so I did. I don't know why I listened to her but I did. And I dreamt._

_I dreamt about flowers. I was in a field of flowers. They were all sorts of colours. Reds, yellows, pinks and purples. I started dancing and twirling around in circles in the field. The warm sun hitting my face and making it warm. A small dog came running at me and licked my hand and barked happily. I laughed as I twirled and then as I looked up, the sun was in my direct line of vision. It filled my whole sight and all I saw was the blinding white light. It became too much to bear so I looked away, only to be met with a faint beep. I blinked several times and my vision went normal. I followed the beeping noises and darted in and out of trees. Climbing over fallen branches and I found myself in a circle of mushrooms. The white tops each had a little butterfly on them. In the middle of the circle, the beeping got louder. i put one foot into the circle and soon I was standing in the middle. The white light shined through the trees. Suddenly the light blinds me again and the beeping gets louder and louder until I can longer stand it. I cover my ears and then the light gets brighter. I curl up into a ball in the circle and then it stops… and I open my eyes…._

The beeping is now soft and faint. The light is bearable and I take in my surroundings. I am lying down in a bed. I am alone. The only noise is the beeping and the sound of my breathing.

I looked down at myself and saw I was in a horrible looking nightie that was white and had blue dots. There was a band around my wrist and I looked at it and tried to concentrate on what it said, but all that I got was a splitting head ache. I put my hand up to my head and felt a scratchy material. It didn't feel like my hair. The small feeling of panic arose when I couldn't find my hair but then I found it. Under the material, it was down and on my shoulders. The material covered my head like a beanie. Was I wearing a beanie? I must be.

Then the calmness disappeared and panic set in. Where was I? how did I get here? What happened?

I wanted to know the answers to my questions. Where was my mother?

Then the door opened. A woman came in dressed in nurses scrubs. Her hair down in brown locks that reached just below her armpit. She looked inside and made eye contact with me. her face went into relief and shock. I wondered why but she came all the way in, closing the door behind her with a small smile on her face. She came over to me and grabbed my hand,

"Hello Clarissa. How are you feeling?" she asked.

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. I strained but nothing happened. I tried once more but a horrible sound gurgled out and I clasped my hands over my mouth, horrified that, that sound came from me.

The woman smiled, "Don't worry honey. That's normal. You should get your voice back to normal in a few minutes. Until then, rest your voice"

Damn it! I wanted answers. She started checking my heart rate and that's when I realised I was in a hospital. I didn't know why this hadn't occurred to me before… this woman was a nurse. But this new information only added to my panic and confusion. The nurse noticed this and spoke.

"Oh gosh! I should probably go and get your friends and family. Im so sorry this didn't occur to me before! I will explain everything to them about your voice and things and I will bring them in one at a time?"

I smiled and closed my eyes for a second and then nodded my head. I wanted to see my mother. The last thing I remember was her saying goodbye to me as I went somewhere with Isabelle. I can't remember where.

I rested my head back against the pillows until the door opened again. The nurse came in again and my mother followed her into the room. Her red frizzy hair tied up in a bun on the top of her head, a red shirt on accompanied by black jeans and flats. Her eyes immediately glazed over with tears as she saw me. why was she crying? What had I done?

She sat on the edge of my bed and collapsed onto me, her body racking in sobs on my chest. I winced as her head hit my chest. She instantly got up and sat beside me, gently stroking my hand

" Im so glad your awake Clary. I thought I lost you! I don't know what I would of done without you baby!", she explained to me. confusion filled me.

I was just sleeping, for a few hours. What was happening? I swallowed deeply. I needed the answers to my questions!

I tried to speak and this time little splutters came out. I coughed and cleared my voice and then spoke. HA! It worked!

"What do you mean? I've been asleep for a few hours mum", I said in a raspy voice. Her eyes watered again as she looked at the nurse.

She stepped forwards and looked at me with sympathy.

"Clary. You've been in a coma for five months" , the nurse said.

I stayed silent for a minute. Coma? Since when? _Five months ago dummy! _How? Coma's happened when people hit their head really hard and damage their brain… nothing happened to me that could of done that. My mind wandered to the beanie on my head…

"That isn't a beanie is it?" I asked my mother and she slowly shook her head. Oh god….

I felt the hot tears sting my eyes and that's when they fell. My tears fell down my cheeks. Why couldn't I remember anything? What happened to me! I wanted an explanation. Answers!

I sniffed and wiped my arm across my eyes and the same scratchy material was there. I looked down and saw a bandage wrapped around my arm, small cuts and bruises poked out around it. a big purple bruise was on my wrist and I stifled a cry. It looked like someone had beaten me. that's when I started to study myself. My other arm had another bandage wrapped around my elbow. A hospital band around my wrist and bruises were up and down my arms, joined together with small cuts. The tears came down in groups. Big hot tears spilt down my cheeks.

" What happened to me?!" I all but cried out as I racked with sobs. The nurse stepped forward,

" Should I get your friends?" and I shook my head. I just wanted my family.

" Please. Just tell me what happened", I said to her and she looked at my mother and she nodded.

" Clarissa. You are in Edward John Noble Hospital. You were brought her five months ago with severe head injuries, life threatening blood loss and many many cuts all over your body. at first the paramedics didn't notice your head injuries as your red hair masked the blood, but when they did find it, your brain needed time to recover, so you were in an induced coma. Only time could tell when you would wake up and that was a full five months. You had a 30% chance that you wouldn't survive, but you managed to push through. Your one very lucky girl"

I was shocked. How did this happen? Severe head injuries?! I think I needed to throw up.

" H-How did this happen?" I asked her.

" You don't remember?", she asked me and I shook my head with the tears still falling silently.

" Well… from what I've been told, you went Jetty Jumping with your friends and the current was too strong for you and you weren't able to resurface when you jumped. The current pushed and held you under where you were swept underneath the jetty and were thrown against the poles and rocks. Those poles are filled with Mussels and shells and those were stuck in your skin and caused your cuts. We believe your head hit one of the poles and you were knocked unconscious. Your friends found you in a bleeding heap on the rocks and called the ambulance. Your head was hit pretty hard and caused severe brain injuries which lead to your coma. the harder the hit, the longer the coma you know. But im very sorry for this happening to you Miss Fray"

I just sat there. Staring at my hands. Looking at the cuts and bruises and bandages. Why had I gone jetty jumping? I couldn't swim.

Then my mother spoke,

"Honey. You didn't jump into the water. Jace picked you up and ran with you into the water. You had the biggest panic attack you've ever had under the water."

I knew I didn't jump. I never would have jumped willingly. Someone would have had to do that. But there was one thing confusing me and I shrugged it off.

The nurse spoke again, " Clary? would you like some time alone or do you want your friends in?"

I wanted time alone to process this so my mother and the nurse left me alone in my room. I began to drag back the blankets to look at myself. Revealed to me was my legs. They didn't even look like my legs. They were thinner. Covered in cuts and bruises. A heavy cast was wrapped around my foot. Had i broken it? my other foot had a bandage wrapped all the way up to my knee. I lifted the dress thing I was wearing and looked at my stomach. My stomach was horrible.

It looked like I had been mauled by dogs. my hips were cut up. My stomach the same. But much worse. Stitches were covered with small bandaids. The bruising was the worst. _This isn't me. this isn't happening. _

The tears formed in my eyes once again and I let them fall freely. How could this happen to me? why would I agree to going anyway? I was terrified of water, I couldn't remember the fear I felt when I was going into the water, but I could only imagine how terrified I felt when I was under the water, alone and having a severe panic attack.

At that moment, I heard a male voice. i didn't recognise it so I tried to tune it out, but it just got closer and closer. He sounded frantic. He sounded like he _needed _to see whoever he needed to see. He sounded like his life depended on it, but someone wasn't letting him go. His yells stopped for a minute and then it was quiet.

10 minutes later, the nurse came into my room. She told me that I needed to have some brain scans, just to make sure everything was working as it should. So after a 20 minute slow process of me getting out of the bed, I was seated in a wheelchair and the nurse behind me, pushing me to a room where I would be tested. I stayed silent. Nobody bothered me or looked at me. I felt nauseous. But can you blame me? suddenly moving after four months of sleeping for god sake! Time had moved on without me. I was left behind. Which was a hurtful feeling.

I reached the room and was I had to go in a tunnel machine thing. The machine moved me further inside the tunnel where lights shone over my head. soon a beep went off and I was removed from the tunnel. The nurse took me back to my room where she put me back in the bed.

" When will I know if everything is ok?" I asked her and she replied with a short answer

" Most likely in the next half an hour or so". She smiled at me and then left.

What if something was wrong? Would I stay here and get help for whatever it was or if everything was fine, would I go back home and go on like nothing happened? Whatever it was, I was feeling scared.

My mother came back in. she asked me if I wanted to see my friends. I nervously obliged. But one at a time. I didn't want to get overwhelmed, like I most likely would. I wanted to see Isabelle. I needed her comfort now, because I knew she would have been there to witness it all and I wanted to hear her side of the story. Not from someone who only knew because someone told her, I wanted the opinion of someone who saw it first hand.

Mum disappeared for a brief moment, before returning with my beautiful friend. We made eye contact and her eyes glazed over with tears as she looked me over. She looked into my eyes for the longest time. I couldn't blame her. If the positions were swapped I would do the same. Iz came and sat beside me on the bed, gripping my hand softly in hers and looking at me with a small smile on her face,

" Im so glad your back Clary. I missed you so much! I have waited forever to see those eyes of yours, everytime I came in here I had that small hope that your eyes would open for a split second but they didn't. I love you best friend and I have lots to tell you !" she smiled and I let out a small laugh

I missed a lot didn't i? I thought. Lots had happened and its like I thought. People moved on without me.

" Whats there to tell me?" I asked her eagerly.

She smiled wide and lifted up her left hand, I instantly recognised a big diamond ring on her finger and I squealed.

" Oh my god! Isabelle lightwood! Your engaged!" I cried and she smiled.

"It was so romantic Clary. at first I thought he was going to break up with me but then he proposed and Im so happy! But don't worry, you didn't miss the engagement party! We saved it for when you woke up", she was still grinning like an idiot. I giggled and she spoke again,

" And I have a question to ask you. will you be my maid of honour?", she asked me and I looked at her in disbelief. She wanted me, the plain old girl I am, to be her maid of honour?

" Of Course I will! Iz I cant wait!", I replied and she did a silent yay!

After 15 minutes of talking and catching up, Iz suggested something,

" Do you want me to bring the others in? they must be getting frantic out there"

I nodded slowly. " You can stay here if you want, but can you bring just one in?"

She nodded and smiled. She left and then came back in.

The same male voice I heard from before came again. He was excited. You could hear it in his voice. he was obviously ecstatic. I smiled to myself when Isabelle came back in followed by a man who was wearing a beanie covering his face, black skinny jeans and a white muscle shirt that hung low. Showing his perfect muscles everywhere. His face was glowing with happiness. A handsome smile plastered on his face like what he was seeing was the only thing in the world that had a significant meaning to him.

I smiled nervously as he came forward to face me. he gripped my hand and small shivers crawled through my spine. What was that? I looked at him in shock and nervousness.

" I love you so much baby. Please forgive me Clary, I never meant for this to happen, I didn't know you couldn't swim. I was a jerk and I am so so sorry – "

His eyes were glazing over a bit and he was cut off by the sound of the door opening. The nurse was back with a folder. my results. He didn't speak again but instead he looked at my face.

The happiness once all over his face was gone when he saw my expression. My brows furrowed and creased together as I frowned. my lips pulled down as I concentrated but I was so confused.

The nurse stepped forward and whispered a question in my ear so silent nobody else could hear it. I shook my head in response. She looked down sympathetically and then checked her folder and then ushered everyone outside. I heard exasperated moans and sighs of frustration and sadness. A loud cry and then the door was opened again. Everyone came back in and instead of coming back to my bed, they stood in front of me and looked sad.

The one in the beanie stepped forward and looked at me with a tear stained face. He started to speak and he stuttered at the beginning.

" Y-You know who I am right?", his voice broke dramatically at the end of his sentence as a tear slid down his cheek.

I studied him for a moment, dreading to look into his eyes.

" Im sorry", and that's when he fell to his knees on the tiled floor. His head in his hands as the tears escaped his eyes.

**Hope this was good enough for you guys. And sorry for the cliffy, im just in one of those cliffy moods haha : ) **

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


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